Blind
by FlamingPhoenix202
Summary: Being blind is like entering a never ending void of pure darkness. You know that things are there, and you can hear them. But you can't see them. J/C.
1. This new feeling

Kathryn could feel The Doctor's holoprojected hands on her face as he wrapped a light-reflecting band over her eyes. This was the last of her injuries he had to take care of today. He'd successfully restored some function in her eyes, but she was going to have to be temorarily blind for a while.

"Captain, this will have to stay on until your eyes properly heal. Hopefully that will be soon."

"Thank you, Doctor."

It was a first contact mission. A new planet filled with rich plant life and Dilithium deposits. And a few hundred xenophobic humanoids. As Voyager's leader, it was important for her to try and make friends with any new species they encountered. But Species 3109, as the Borg called them, didn't want anything to do with her and her crew.

Commander Tuvok, Seven of Nine, Lt. Klaxam, Ensign Harper, Neelix, and herself were part of the landing party. As soon as they materialized, they were shot at by several aliens. After shooting back and forth for a few minutes, one member of the alien group threw a round, black object at the group of rocks the landing party was hiding behind. Before anyone could react, the object hit in the middle of their group and exploded. That's when she blacked out.

Later, Kathryn had been told what had happened. Harper was killed upon impact and could not be saved. Tuvok was thrown into a cluster of rocks and had suffered a concussion that left him with some minor brain damage. This was easily treated and he would be back on duty in a few days. Seven only suffered from a few burns and a large gash in her leg that had caused her to lose a lot of blood. The Doctor managed to fix her leg in time and restore some of her blood content. She was still in sickbay, but The Doctor had said a few days of monitored rest would have her back to normal. The Caitian Lt. Klaxam had some broken bones, mostly in her tail when she had fallen on it, but otherwise was fine. She was already back on duty. Neelix was the luckiest of all of them, having only suffered a few scrapes and disappointment that he didn't get the plants he wanted.

Kathryn unfortunately had suffered all those injuries. None were as bad, luckily, and were quickly treated by The Doctor. The worst of her injuries were to her eyes. The explosion had burned them and left her in the state that she was now.

"You have been relieved of duty until you get your eyesight back." The Doctor tells.

"Hopefully Chakotay will keep my ship in one piece." She tried to lighten things up a bit, but by the Doctor's sigh she knew it wasn't helping.

"You'll have to come back here every three days so I can check your eyes. People have already volunteered to take you to and from your quarters and to help you with other things if you need them. I'll leave you be now. Your first volunteer will arrive shortly."

Kathryn heard him leave to somewhere over on the other side of the room. A few seconds later, she heard the swooshing of the doors opening and closing. The sound of boots thumping against the floor and the rustling of clothes against skin soon came to her ears as she felt the presence of someone beside her. Male, by the scent of his earthy cologne. He placed a hand lightly on her back and coaxed her to stand. She breathed in suddenly at the unexpected contact.

The hand felt so familiar.

He moved the hand to her arm now, gripping it tightly. He began to lead her out of sickbay and into the hallway. Although she didn't know who the man was, she felt that she could trust him.

She heard the sound of the Turbolift doors opening. The hands that had held her were lifted from her body. She strode past the doors and turned around to face front as usual. Or turned to face what she thought was front. She heard a sigh from the man and felt his hands grip her forearms. She was moved backwards a few steps and was turned around to what was the back of her front. She had no sense of direction anymore.

His hands left her body again and she could feel his presence beside her.

_"Deck 6."_

His voice was familiar too, but it was barely more than a whisper and hard to identify. The floor whirred under her feet as the lift moved. Nothing more was said until they were out of the Turbolift, down the hall, and into her quarters.

"We're here, Kathryn."

"Chakotay."

It _was_ him.

Kathryn never wanted Chakotay to see her in this state and had hoped he would be on the bridge instead of here. She could tell he was in pain because of her, and she wished he wouldn't pity her. He always reacted this way in these situations, but she couldn't blame him because she does the same.

"I need to change into my nightgown." she says softly. He promises he won't look, and leads her to the bedroom area. She feels him leave and quickly rids of her uniform and undergarments so she can slip on her pink silk nightgown. The thought that he could be watching it all and she would never know frightens her, but she doesn't believe Chakotay would do such a thing.

She calls him back and he's there within seconds. Kathryn hears him breathe in deeply and she remembers that he hasn't seen her with this little clothes on since back in New Earth. She feels around until she finds her bed, pulls back the covers, and sits on the edge. Chakotay stands in front of her.

"You can leave now, Chakotay." She tells him.

"You're sure you don't need anything else?" He asks.

"I'll be fine."

He sighs, and the pain in it makes her cringe. "I should have been out there. It should have been left in the state you are now. I should have felt your pain."

_"Chakotay-"_

"Or at least I should have been there. I never would have let this happen to you. Never."

"There's nothing we can do about it now."

"I know."

He places a hand on her cheek and tilts her head up and kisses her passionately. She sighs into his mouth. If only she could see his face.

His hand stays longer than his lips before he removes it too and departs from her quarters.

She can't see the stars outside her window or her own hands in front of her face, but she knows she can see his love.


	2. Girl Talk

It's about a week later since their horrible ordeal, and her eyes still haven't healed. The Ready Room and Captain's Quarters have been her only home; since she isn't permitted to stay on the bridge for longer than needed when off duty, and in her state it would be pointless to go anywhere else. The only other place she's been in is sickbay; once for a check-up, and another to visit Tuvok who, at the time, was still recovering. Not a lot of people have seen the face of Captain Kathryn Janeway in a long, long time.

So, she spends her days in her quarters, and sometimes the ready room if she feels up to it. Her only companions are her guides that change three times a day, countless cups of coffee, and an amount of paperwork, documents, and such that are read to her by voice. Sometimes she commands a novel to be read to her, but it's not the same as seeing the words on page yourself. Other times her guides try to chat with her, and those times are really the only times she does anything that makes her happy. Frankly, she's getting quite board with being this way. It's frustrated her greatly.

As Kathryn changes into her uniform, Ensign Samantha Wildman leafs through her clothes drawers. She's her guide for the morning bought, which ends at 1100 hours. Kathryn doesn't know why she's letting the younger woman look through her drawers; for all she knew Samantha could be sticking her nose into her underwear.

"This is a fabulous sweater! Where did you get it?" The Ensign asks from somewhere in front of Kathryn, which she knows is the spot where her drawers are.

"If you could describe it for me, Ensign, I would gladly tell you." Kathryn tries her best not to sound tired, but it comes out that way anyways, to her dismay.

"Oh! I'm so sorry." Samantha corrects herself. Kathryn smiles slightly at her apology. "Well, it's white... Cashmere for the fabric, I think. And it's got gold beads and a pattern on the sides."

"Ah yes... _That_ one. It was given to me a long time ago as a present from my mother. I can't remember quite where she got it from, but the fabric really isn't cashmere. It's Bajorn silk or something like that."

"Oh. Alright." Kathryn hears the rustle of clothing and the clunking sound of the dresser drawer as Samantha slams it shut. Her footsteps get nearer as Kathryn pulls her uniform turtleneck over her head.

"May I look in your closet?"

"I really don't see the point in all this, Ensign Wildman. But yes, you may look in my closet." She puts on and zips up her uniform jacket, then points to the direction of her closet. Her finger rests at a spot on the wall a ways from the doors, but she's close enough that Samantha gets the idea.

"Thank you, Captain!"

Kathryn nods and backs away towards her bed. Feeling around behind her, she keeps walking until her fingers touch the cotton fabric of her sheets. She takes a one or two more steps backwards until her calves touch the end of the bed, and sits down.

Her ears listen to the other woman comment on all her "beautiful clothes", but her mind is somewhere else.

It strays to that night, where she sat in just a nightgown on her bed while Commander Chakotay kissed her chastely but passionately, his large hand cupping her cheek. She doesn't know why he did it then, or what it means in term of their relationship. All she knows is that she longs to feel that feeling again; one that she's forgotten about for so long. For a moment she forgets that Samantha is even there, and her hand travels to her neck to rub the spot between her shoulders. She lets out a long sigh. For a moment, it's just her, and him.

"Oooh, look at this. Wow, Captain, I never expected you to wear such a thing!"

The ecstatic voice of the blonde Ensign jolts her back to reality. Kathryn feels a rising heat grow on her cheeks, and hoped they didn't appear as red as she imagined. She mutters back a disconnected reply. Good thing Samantha seemed so wildly engrossed in her clothing.

"It's short... and black. Seems very tight. And the sleeves! I thought hand cuffs were out of style?"

"They weren't when got it. I haven't worn that dress since... Since Neelix's Christmas party two years ago. I think I wore it with those black pointed-toe heels." She hears Samantha rummage through her closet; the rustle of clothes, clinking of metal fasteners, and the banging of hangers against the closet wall. Then Samantha as she stands up, probably with her heels.

"Ah, yes. Good choice, Captain!"

They chat about clothes, and shoes, and Samantha's daughter Naomi. Ensign Wildman would take out a dress, or a pair of shoes, and describe them to her. Then Kathryn would tell her where she got them and where she last wore it. Simple girl talk that Kathryn hadn't enjoyed in a long time. At the moment, it distracted her from other thoughts she would rather not have resurface.

This continues until Samantha finally says,

"Commander Chakotay ordered me to bring you to the Mess Hall today for lunch. I'm sure Neelix will have something good-"

"He _ordered_ you to bring me there, did he?" Kathryn interrupts. She feels her cheeks heat up again. _What was he planning now?_

"W-well he seemed very_ stern_ about it, so I thought I better carry it out."

"Hmn. I suppose now that I'm off duty, I'll have to comply."

"Anyways, he's your next guide and said he wanted to meet you there."

Kathryn's interest peaks. Ever since that night he's been avoiding her. No visits to make sure she's comfortable, no meetings to discuss the happenings on Voyager. Now, suddenly, he's on the roster as next in line to be her guide. Perhaps it was his own doing, or perhaps his turn was up. She doesn't know, but she sure as hell wants to find out.

"I... see. Did he say what he wanted to do after lunch?"

"No, no he didn't. Sorry."

"No harm done. I was just curious." Kathryn replies, raising a hand. She hears Samantha put the dress she had been holding back into the closet and her boots hitting the carpet as she walks away. Kathryn slowly stands, careful not to fall. The doors of her closet close, giving a reassuring thud as they shut together.

"We're running late!" She hears Samantha call from the other room. Kathryn didn't even realize that she had left. She was probably at her desk, checking the chronometer there. The thumping of boots are heard again as Samantha rushes over to take a place at her side, her hands grasping Kathryn's forearm in a helping gesture.

"Time for lunch, I take it?" Kathryn sighs. "Well, we shouldn't keep the Commander waiting."

Her demeanor suggests that she's unimpressed by Ensign Wildman's responsibility, but inside she's very nervous about seeing Chakotay again. _What if he pulls something? No, he would never do that, would he? Maybe he wants to talk about this. I hope he doesn't; I'd rather just forget it even happened. Like all the other things that has happened between us. You should stop denying yourself this. But you have to. For the sake of the crew._

Samantha throws out another apology before leading Kathryn out of her quarters. She believes that she's gotten quite good at walking around, but in truth without a guide she'd probably bang into every crew member and bulkhead on the ship and then find herself in a Jeffries tube. She prefers it this way anyways, so she doesn't complain. Easier than hitting people with a walking stick.

Samantha tells her that they're going into the Turbo Lift soon. Knowing the area well, Kathryn immediately veers right. She's made the walk to the turbolift probably every morning since she first captained Voyager.

She hears the doors open and close behind her as the Ensign leads her in. She unclasps her hand from her bicep and Kathryn turns to the front, placing her hands behind her back.

Samantha tells the lift which deck they're going to, but Kathryn hardly hears it. She keeps running scenarios over in her mind of what he might do, and what the consequences might be_. And protocol. Never forget about protocol._

All she hears is the familiar whirr of the lift as they move towards their destination.

* * *

_**A/N: **_**I've finally decided to make this story a multi-chaptered one! Thanks for all your wonderful reviews and waiting so patiently for me to complete this! Third chapter will be up real soon, so keep posted!**


	3. A little bit of paradise

The doors whoosh open and closed as her and Samantha enter the Mess Hall. Kathryn hears the many conversations between different members of her crew and can even pick out a few voices. B'elanna Torres, Tom Paris, and Harry Kim are somewhere to her right, discussing how great the date Tom took B'elanna on was. Lt. Bailsly and Crewman Jones were talking about the service that was held a few days ago for Ensign Harper, and they seemed to be somewhere to her far left. Neelix's exited chatter came from the other end of the room, in the kitchen most likely.

"Oh!" she heard him shout, and silence grew in the Mess Hall as everyone finally noticed she was there. Suddenly Neelix was beside her. "Sam! Oh, and Captain, what a pleasant surprise!"

They both greet him, and the chatter starts again. This time, though, she knows they're talking about her.

"Is the Commander here yet?" Samantha asks.

"Ah! Yes he is!" Neelix replies, in his usual chipper tone. "Right over there, at the back."

"Can you take the Captain over there, Neelix? I'd like to see Naomi before my shift starts."

"Of course, Sam!"

Samantha lets go of her arm again and bids her farewell before leaving the mess hall. A new hand locks onto her; Neelix's. He begins to tell her of today's lunch menu and what she might like to eat. Leola root stew (as always), a Salad made with the leaves from a Schestr Tree, or a sandwich made with freshly replicated Talaxian tomatoes, swiss cheese, and lettuce. He also mentions that there is leftover Plomeek soup from when Tuvok was in there earlier. He suddenly stops her from walking; they must be at the table. Her heart quickens. She knows that he's there; she can smell his familiar cologne.

"Thank you, Neelix. I'll take over from here." Chakotay directs towards Neelix. She feels the Talaxian let go of her arm. Then she feels a warm hand on her backside as someone guides her to sit down at the table. It's Chakotay's hand. She flushes at the contact.

_This has never happened before._ She wonders. _He's touched you many times before now, so why is this any different? It's because that kiss dug up those feelings you've had buried for so long, and now you're reacting to him._

"Now, what can I get you two today?" Neelix questions. Good, now she can think about food, and not _that._

"I'll have the salad with some herbal tea." Chakotay orders. "What about you, Captain?"

She takes a long, deep breath to regain her composure. "Just a cup of coffee, please."

"No, Kathryn, you need to eat." He urges. He sounds more worried than the other times she's ordered just coffee and he protests against it.

"Alright. I'll have the Plomeek soup with it."

"Great! I'll be back with your order really soon! Captain, Commander." With that, Neelix scurries off back to the kitchen. A few minutes of awkward silence go by before Chakotay clears his throat and asks her how she's been. It seems to her that he doesn't want to talk about what happened between them a week ago, and she's perfectly fine with that.

" I'm rather sore from bumping into tables, walls, people, and such. But otherwise, yes, I'm fine." She replies, trying to reconstruct the former bond between them. She's relieved when she hears him chuckle.

It's easy to repair the bond between them when it's been broken so many times. They know what to do when this thing happens, and how to build their bond up quickly to avoid it staying in ruins forever. This time it took them longer than it should have, but they were officially back to normal. Hopefully.

"Oh?" He retorts. "Is that Kathryn Janeway's way of telling me she needs to see the Doctor?"

She pictures his smiling, dimpled face, and smiles too. "Try to take me there, Chakotay, and I'll throw you in the brig for a month!"

"But you can't. You're off duty!"

"Ugh. Don't try to remind me." She rests her forehead on her hands and sighs. Being off duty is the worst thing that could happen to her, a woman who's more at home when at work than in her own quarters.

"Bored?" Chakotay drops his humorous demeanor and replaces it with a more concerned one.

"You don't know the half of it! You're running my ship while I'm holed up in my quarters all day, with absolutely nothing to do..." She sighs again. "Losing my sight makes it a lot worse."

"I'm sorry, Kathryn, really. That's why after lunch I'm taking you on a walk in a garden."

She starts to get annoyed. "And what makes you think I want to take a walk through a garden? I won't be able to see anything!"

"You can still smell, and touch, and listen. I'm taking you to a real garden, and not a fake holographic one! Please, Kathryn. I know it will make you feel better."

"Alright." She relaxes a bit. "So where is this 'real garden' located anyway?"

"On a planet we're passing. The locals are friendly and have agreed to let us on the planet for trading and shore leave. They've got some of the best landscape..."

He proceeds to tell her about the planet, its people, and Voyager's dealings with it through lunch. His descriptions of the landscape make her a bit disappointed that she can't see it for herself, but there's nothing she can do about it. She asks many questions, such as if the people appear to be hostile or not or if there has been any disruptions. He tells her not to worry.

After lunch he takes her to the transporter room. The crewman at the console throws her a "Captain" and Chakotay a "Commander" as he leads her to the transporter pad.

"Stand here." He orders. His warm hand leaves her back and his shoes click as he walks to the spot beside her.

"It's not like I haven't been on a transporter before, Commander." She mocks.

"Just making sure." She's relieved when she recognizes the smile in his voice.

She turns to face the front and clasps her hands behind her back in preparation to be transported. Chakotay asks if she's ready; to which she gives a curt nod.

"Energize"

First, she hears the voice of the crewman when he acknowledges Chakotay's request. Next she hears the familiar hum of the transporter as it starts the transport. Then a slight tingling feeling. Then she can't hear anything anymore.

What usually comes next is a blinding white light, but since she's already blind, she doesn't see it. A few seconds go by before her body stops tingling and she can start hearing things again. The chirping of exotic birds, the rushing of water, the rustle of leaves as they blow in the wind. She pictures a rainforest-like atmosphere, but Kathryn knows that might not be the case.

She immediately calls for Chakotay. In her state, she can't see what's going on, can't defend herself from an enemy attack. She's as good as dead in those sorts of situations.

"I'm here, Kathryn." He gives her shoulder a quick rub to reassure her. She feels herself start to blush again, and tries to fight it.

"So, where are we going?" She says quickly.

"I thought we'd go to the waterfall that's to our left and then head back on a path through the trees." He moves his hand from her shoulder to her lower back.

"Sounds good."

He leads her on the path, stone by the feel of it, towards the waterfall. The sound of rushing water gets louder and louder as they walk. Something brushes against her arm and she jumps, stepping backwards into Chakotay's strong embrace. He assures her that it's just a branch from one of the plants that border the path.

"Sorry. I think I'm becoming too paranoid."

"There's no need to apologise. You can never be to alert, especially in your..." He stops himself and they keep walking. She's relieved that his conscious is respectful enough to prevent him from saying it.

Soon, the sound of rushing water turns into a roar so loud Chakotay has to nearly shout for her to hear him. They've finally reached the waterfall. Chakotay pauses for a moment. The water is so close that it makes the air around them humid and misty. The pause they took soon becomes awkward, and Kathryn scratches the side of her light-reflecting eye band uncomfortably. Chakotay must have noticed this, because he started to move around as if he were looking for something interesting. Finally, to both his and her relief, he did.

"Kathryn, let's go over here." He leads her over to a spot on the right, and stops just as she feels flowers, vines, and leaves brushing up against her legs. He begins to crouch and tugs at the back of her uniform to signal that he wants her to follow. She complies and lowers herself beside him.

"There's an interesting flower here." He tells her. "I wish you could see it."

"Maybe you could describe it for me." She suggests. Perhaps the same tactic she tried earlier this morning with Samantha would allow her to take part. Chakotay takes a deep breath and begins to tell her about the flower.

"It's this striking blue-green colour, and it seems to glitter in the sunlight. It's got only two petals that are serrated at the ends and its center is such a bright white that I can't look at that area for too long. It's... very beautiful." He sighs deeply, as if the last sentence was painful to say. Then, in a soft hushed murmer, as if he doesn't want her to hear, he adds, "_Just like you._"

His tone made no difference. She still heard him. The temperature of her cheeks rose 300 degrees and she felt the need to stick her head under that roaring waterfall to cool down. Part of her thought, _'What the hell was he thinking?' _but the other part had been wanting to hear something like that for a long time now.

"What did you say?" She asked, voice shaking. She grasped his arm with an unsteady hand as he pulled her up to standing.

"I-"

His voice was interrupted by another, a bit far behind them away from the waterfall. They both turned around to the sound, made by a certain Tom Paris.

"Captain! Commander!" He shouts, over the roar of the waterfall. "Enjoying a little bit of paradise too?"

Chakotay clears his throat and Kathryn shifts her feet, both embarrassed that Tom could have seen how close they were.

"Hello, Tom." She greets him warmly. She tries her best to regain her composure, clasping her hands behind her back and trying to stand taller.

"Tom, B'elanna." Chakotay does his own greeting, and Kathryn acknowledges B'elanna's presence.

"Oh, I didn't know you were there, B'elanna. I'm sorry."

"It's alright Captain. No offense taken." The half-Klingon replies. "I never expected to see you here."

"Well, after the Vashoths so kindly offered us the use of their planet for shore leave, I thought I should take the Captain here to give her a break from all that paperwork she's been doing." Chakotay explains as Kathryn's cheeks grow a shade brighter against her will. She forces herself to keep up her formal composure through it, her Starfleet smile plastered on her face.

"I see!" Tom exclaims. "I hope you two enjoy it." The group exchanges goodbyes and after a short pause, Tom and B'elanna brush past them towards the waterfall. Something one of them did must have affected Chakotay, because he let out a long sigh and shifted uncomfortably beside her. She lets herself ponder what it could have been before her thoughts wander to what transpired before.

Kathryn finally admits that they probably should talk about it. But not here, and definitely not now. So she makes a decision that she soon regrets, just a little.

"I... uh, Chakotay." He turns to face her and grasps her arm awkwardly.

"Yes, Kathryn?"

"I... think I've had enough for the day. I'd like to go back now,"

"Alright"

He keeps his hold on her arm instead of moving it to her backside as he'd done previously. They began to make their way back to the beam up point in silence.

She'd broken the bond again, and she wasn't so sure that they would be able to repair it.


End file.
